Things that grate...

In no particular order, this is a list of ongoing annoyances that seem to affect me more than the average person. I would not be surprised to find that people affected by fertility issues will share at least of few of these emotional triggers- actions, comments or objects that send you right back to that angry and hurting place where the overriding voice you hear in your head is telling you you are worthless, powerless and on your own.

If you have any emotional triggers that you wish to share with me I would be happy to add contributions to this list. I will be adding further posts to this title, but for now, here are the top contenders for me at this moment:

1) Pregnancy Test Adverts:

The latest one features a loved up couple sitting on their bathroom floor waiting for their result. But hey, what's this? They can't read the instructions that state two lines means positive?! Get away. A test that spells it out in letters is not going to be much use to them either, then, is it? Another annoying one has two women talking about their pregnancy result, but based on the assumption that an early test is accurate enough to be able to confidently announce a pregnancy over coffee. Early tests may have some good stats behind them, but anyone who benignly reports their good news over coffee before a doctor would ever advise is just going to lead vulnerable or less knowledgeable viewers up the garden path.

What's more, these sort of adverts pop up at any time on any channel or during any online perusing. Totally unavoidable and therefore totally insensitive to the plight of many. They also feature models who seem to show pregnancy off to be glamorous and easy. Ugh, every aspect of these adverts bothers me. I'm sorry, but they do!

2) Baby Events in Supermarkets/ Baby aisles being brought to the entrance of a store to promote products:

When waiting for the dreaded two weeks to be up, or calling in to the shops after a rubbish scan result, the last thing anyone wants is to be bombarded by baby grows and celebratory balloons. Great events and product lines, fantastic deals. But not appropriate for all your customers so please don't make me feel like I'm going to burst with the pressure or embarrass myself as hot tears push their way out of my squinting eyes.

3) Soap Opera Plots That Lose Their Bottle:

I love the fact that television drama writers and cast members explore difficult issues. And much of the time, there is quality and integrity to the finished product. But sometimes the soap froths over and it feels like stories of worth have been sold out. Recently I have admired the storyline of Toyah Battersby in Coronation Street. I thought, finally a character I can sympathise with and an actress who is capable of reflecting the painful reality of infertility. But then the story is twisted and suddenly the baby lost by a surrogate is hidden and this wonderful character is plotting to take on the unwanted baby of her sister, Eva. The last surrogacy plot became a 'three's a crowd' fiasco with a fight over custody thrown in for emotional weight. But then, the surrogate was killed off and the parents who made use of her never mention her again! There have been some notable performance, but this viewer has high standards and expectations when it comes to this topic, so I'm still waiting for the plot that really packs a punch for me.

4) Baby Announcements Of Celebrities:

It's hard enough in the real world. Staffrooms become agonisingly awkward, social gatherings are strained and usually bring on a bout of IBS with dreaded nerves at who might say what while I have to put a smile on and say congratulations when it's the last thing I feel like saying to anyone. So when I put the radio on as I drive to work or am off work because of a miscarriage and decide to watch some television, I really loath it when the host goes all gooey about an announcement from the royals, pop stars or actors. Yes it is lovely news, but only for them!

I confess, I spent a significant chunk of time feeling so emotionally depressed that I cried my way to work most mornings. I saw lampposts as a potential way out and my interior monologue pondered which one would cause the least harm to anyone else if I drove myself into it. Regular radio discussions about other people's babies squeezed me dry. A little consideration of people who are trying to become parents or taking different routes would be so very welcome. Still, I am yet to here anyone take a detour in their baby babbles.

5) Comments Like 'Relax and it will happen' or 'Enjoy your life while you still can' or 'I know someone who adopted and then fell pregnant by surprise!':

No, No and No. Stress is a problem, but who is going to give me time off and when would I take a holiday if I am on treatment? How will I afford it? Do you really think a few drinks in the sun will help my body enough to make my eggs (which I've had since I was in utero myself) suddenly work? Secondly, I am not able to enjoy my child-free existence and that is why I have been sticking pins into my body every day and my marriage is on the rocks.

Thirdly, adoption will not lead me to have a biological child. Besides, how unfair would that be on the children I might have adopted? They are not second-best and if they were I would not deserve to have any children at all.

6) 'When you're a parent you will understand':

Actually, I don't need to have given birth to have empathy or perspective. I may not be the cleverest of people, but please do not underestimate me with this phrase.